| Visions of God 
 to Eye Has Not Seen
Below
are some excerpts from a journal of
visionary/locutionist whom I know very well
personally. She wishes to remain anonymous, not
because she is not authentic, but because she
desires to develop humility by avoiding fame and
recognition. She lives in the heartland of the
United States, is married with children and
grandchildren. She has been a devout Roman
Catholic since she was baptized at 5 days old.
She suffers physically and emotionally with
incurable illnesses, just as many of us do, and
even made the offering to God to be a
"Victim Soul" for the benefit of
others, desiring only to take up her cross and
continue the work of redemption that Christ began
2000 years ago.
These
excerpts show the struggle with understanding
that many visionaries go through, trying to
discern why they are chosen and the purpose of
their messages.
On
about three separate occasions I have had vivid
visions involving a very bright white
Light. These visions occur when I am
asleep, and I wake up right at the very end when
the Light is fading. All I want is for the
Light to return. I feel a deep comfort and
longing for this Light. I have never been
able to recall anything that happened during
these visions except the intensity of this loving
Light. No messages or communications are
left in my consciousness. Maybe I am being
given instruction for later, and I cannot
mentally know it yet, as it is not yet the time
the information is needed. But at the
correct moment, the knowledge will surface for
its intended purpose. I can’t help but
feel really that the information is not in verbal
form, and maybe that is why I cannot remember the
vision entirely. Is God speaking to me on
another level? Is He choosing to
communicate with my spirit and not involve my
mental faculties?
I
have always felt privileged, however distraught,
to be allowed these exceptional visions of
Light. I have always heard that angels
communicate with light. Information is infused
rather than related verbally. I am grateful
to have some recollection of these visions at
least. I know consciously that something is
happening—exactly what is still a
mystery. I still do not know why I have
been chosen to experience such wonder.
I
must note that every vision has occurred while I
am alone in bed. My husband goes to bed at
9:00pm and gets up daily at 3:30am to get ready
for work, so there is a portion of time alone in
bed for each of us. No vision has ever been
witnessed by anyone other than me.
It
came to me in prayer and meditation tonight that
I should ponder more deeply these visions of
Light. I never doubted that it was not
simply light rays but some sort of Light Being
that had contacted me. Its light nearly
blinds me because it is so very bright. It
always comes at night while I am asleep, shining
from so far above me that I must tilt my head
back very far and face upward to greet it.
I am mostly unaware of what else may be in my
bedroom, but I can feel my posture change and my
face smiling broadly. The experience is
always so wondrous that I want it to continue and
never leave. I never sense anything
negative during these encounters.
After
the light dissipates, I close my eyes again,
hungry for the beautifully warm Light. Even
though I am feeling so peaceful and so very loved
afterward, I am wondering who it was and what
exactly happened. I instinctively know it
was very important. The experience cannot
be recalled completely so that it feels exactly
the same way. I cannot summons the
Light. My consciousness cannot recreate it
perfectly enough to satisfy me. All that
remains is a deep longing.
All
of the Lights that visit have been blinding
bright white except for the very first one.
I knew it was an angel while it was
happening. I have no idea how I was aware
of this, but nevertheless, I knew. And he
was magnificent, too! It is difficult to
describe him exactly, because no earthly color
could do him justice.
His
light was without form, and hovered over my
bed. This was different than when I saw the
white lights. The white seemed to be
everywhere, filling my bedroom and beyond.
This angel was finite. Swirling colors of
soft pinks, yellows, and whites blended with
sparkles of gold and silver for a truly awesome
array. Once again, when my conscious became
aware of him, the vision ended abruptly.
I
closed my eyes and tried to recapture the scene
to no avail. Regardless of how hard I
attempted to recall him, I had to acknowledge
that my brain held no memory of what was
communicated during the vision.
While
I find these visions pleasurable in themselves, I
must guard against seeking them out. God
sends His messengers whenever and to whomever He
desires for His own purposes. Saint after
saint have warned against summoning or conjuring
anyone or anything from the spirit world.
And besides, I just do not believe that I am in
anyway in control of these things. I must
content myself with the knowledge that even if I
never experience another visit from Light Beings
again in this life, they will abound in the
next. I have been blessed with an
occasional glimpse of the beauty of God’s
heavenly kingdom, and I anxiously await sharing
eternity with them; and together, we will sing
hosannas in praise of God to the end of time.
One
particular experience stands out from the
rest. It was my most recent vision of
Light. The entire exchange was different
this time. I was allowed to remember
mentally a little more of the entire encounter,
not just the very end before my departure.
It is this specific episode that brings the
sweetest joy to my heart when I recall it.
This Light didn’t come to me; I was brought
to the Light.
In
the dead of night—sometime around 2:00 or
3:00 am—I had the strongest sensation of
movement. It resembled going upwards really
fast in an elevator, except I have never felt one
go quite this quickly. It was a rather
strange sensation considering I was still lying
in bed! There was someone with me, guiding
me to our destination.
I
became fully conscious, but it was a different
sort of awareness. I could feel my body,
but it felt like it was at a distance from
me. At the time, that didn’t really
seem important to me, and I focused on what all
was going on around me. I was not alone,
but had someone with me guiding my
direction. Suddenly I was before the most
awesome, magnificent Light; in that moment, I
knew I stood in the Presence of God.
Joyful
exuberance permeated my being. Words are
inadequate, once again, to describe this most
blessed of all visions! Whatever I could
say about Him would reduce His awesomeness, so I
will not dare to try.
I
could have stayed there in adoration indefinitely
without giving another thought to another thing
ever again. This last visit with Him was so
very brief, but I doubt that any visit
with Him that had an ending would be insufficient
regardless of its length!
Suddenly
I was pulled from His Light, and I was saddened
at my loss on my way back. My companion was
insistent, however, than there was no turning
back for me. I simply had to leave this
wondrous place. I was needed elsewhere and
couldn’t stay.
I
had the feeling of movement again, except this
time it was a fast drop downwards until I was
once again aware of my own body. Quick as a
wink I was back in my bedroom, but I was
surprised by what I felt. My back had bowed
up off the bed; my head was thrown back as far as
it could go; my face was smiling broadly; my arms
outstretched behind me, lifting my body without
any effort.
I
immediately relaxed this position, and lay back
softly on the bed. I felt so peaceful
inside. It was a clean, refreshed
feeling. Oddly enough, I was in no pain
from being in this contorted position for who
knows how long. Actually, I wasn’t
even experiencing the normal pains I have with my
illnesses. I felt totally fine—the
healthiest feeling in my life! I felt great
physically and emotionally, but inquisitive
mentally. And this feeling of wellness
lasted for several days before any symptoms of my
illnesses returned. And yet, they did
return. I was not miraculously and
permanently healed, only given a short
sabbatical.
All
these mystical experiences lead me to
question: What is this all about and why
me? Especially if I don’t have a clue
in my memory as to what all is going on during
these visions, how can I do what they have asked
of me, or if they have asked me? How
can I carry out their wishes or relay their
messages? How do I know if there really
were no messages or assignments for me and I was
only meant to experience the visions for their
own sake? If that is the case, why then was
I chosen to witness such wonders?
Somehow,
deep within me I feel I have been entrusted with
something really important, but my brain is
virtually clueless as to what exactly it
is. My heart and soul feel fuller.
Maybe they are the keepers of the knowledge I
received.
I
have read a lot of books about the way God works
through His saints and His prophets, and even
those who suffer stigmata. All of these
people have spiritual advisors to help them
discern the events that happen in their
lives. And I am a firm believer that we can
all learn from each other. Who, other than
Christ Himself, is better to learn from than a
holy man or woman? Comparing my life to
their lives is not done out of pride. It is
an attempt to understand how God works
differently in each one of us. It is to try
to discern how He possibly could be working
through my life and me.
I
am torn between seeking a spiritual advisor and
reading too much into my experiences. After
all, is it my pride guiding me to go tell all to
a priest for some kind of attention as a
potential mystic? Am I over-estimating my
role and my simple, yet beautiful, experiences?
And
then I ask, what if I don’t see Father to
ask for guidance, will that weaken me spiritually
and endanger me to the snares of the devil?
Will I fall as an easier prey to his deceits?
I
am not particularly interested in attention at
this point in my life. I just want
answers. And I know my truthful answers are
from God Himself. I must listen to only Him
and His messengers or representatives.
One
of the problems I have with contacting Father is
that these moments of ecstasy and vision are so
infrequent that it seems unnecessary to me.
It is possible that I will never have another
such wondrous vision. And if that is the
case, what would be the need of any guidance in
such mystical matters?
Isn’t
it rather vain to assume God will keep choosing
me to have these experiences? Why should
He, after all? Who am I but an
insignificant member of His flock? I haven’t
really fully understood a single thing to this
point! Or have I?
I
am left in a major quandary, not knowing where to
seek advice, or if I should seek advice.
Dearest
Lord, have mercy on me!
This
past weekend I had another vision, early in the
morning hours before I got out of bed, while I
was still in that in-between awake and asleep
mode.
I
saw the head of an animal facing me—a rather
friendly animal, like a dog—and it just
looked at me. It gradually changed shape
and color simultaneously. Its ears became
longer and pointy. The nose elongated and
its nostrils flared. Its teeth grew long
and sharp, sticking out of its mouth. The
eyes changed from round and gentle to
almond-shaped, like a snake’s. Its
color changed from the natural animal tones to a
deep blood red. It ended up looking
positively evil, and yet we just kept staring at
each other. It seemed to me that it was trying to
intimidate or frighten me, but I was neither
scared nor impressed with its efforts.
Mentally,
I received a message from it: “You
can’t get rid of me that easily. I am
everywhere, even where you least expect
it.” The snarl on its face and the
glare in its eyes were seriously determined and
reflected its intent of intimidation. I did
not flinch. I was surprisingly not
frightened. My reaction was immediate after
it spoke. I felt as though my soul became
as rigid as a board—straight and
impenetrable—with a sense of strength, calm,
confidence and truth all combined in this
unnamable stance I took.
Then
right after that reaction—or was it
preparation—I felt a power come over me like
warm rain pouring over and through me from
above. This power descended and I was in
its midst. It was all around me. It
was in me. I reveled in this awesomeness
momentarily, and then looked back at the
demon. It seemed less somehow, even
though its external appearance remained the same.
Then
suddenly, the entire head cracked into tiny
pieces like glass, and the pieces dropped into
nothingness below! It just shattered into a
million pieces like a jigsaw puzzle, fell apart,
and then was no more.
I
was impressed and gladdened at once at the power
from above. Then the thought came to
me: The power of God is awesome,
undeniable, eternal, unequalled. And I
realized right then that there is nothing to
truly fear as long as we live in God’s
Presence. Even though evil constantly rears
its ugly head—often masked as friendly and
good—God always presides and prevails.
He is supreme, our Highest Power, and governs
all.
Unfortunately,
to my dismay, quickly after my realizations, I
opened my eyes and lay simply stunned at the
vision for a moment. I longed for the Power
to return, as It was so peaceful and strong, like
truth. But It was not reproducible, and I
lay quietly in awe for a few more minutes before
I arose to begin my day. I smiled to
myself, realizing that it will be very
fascinating and fulfilling to experience our
Triune God in the next life.
I
am very aware now that my illness serves some
higher purpose. However, it is not
necessarily because of my past
transgressions. I realize that it is a
blessing since it was the catalyst to removing me
from a job—to keep me from making a
permanent career out of what should be a
temporary experience.
I
have more free time now, so I can be more ready
to make the transition from worldly work to
spiritual work. God’s work.
My spiritual body is healthier than ever.
My perspective of life and its experiences is
totally different. Priorities are being
defined and rearranged. Clarity will follow
eventually, and my mission or purpose in
God’s creation will be revealed in His time,
not mine. I must submit my will to Him, and
allow His Will to work through me.
O
God, if I could in some way reflect even the
slightest amount of Your mercy and love, I would
gladly do so. If You intend for me to
spread Your truth quietly but clearly, I will do
so. If You need me to be public, I can do
that. If You desire to use me for whatever
purpose, I completely submit my entire being for
Your service. Dearest Lord, I only ask that
You keep me ever close to You in Your Sacred
Heart so that I may not falter and disappoint
You. Not my will, but Thine be done.
Amen.
I
realize that even though I have grown so much
closer to God in the last three years, the best
is yet to come. I remain His “work in
progress.” I shall not be completed
until I return home to the Father for all
time. I long for this day, yet I know it
cannot be soon. For even though it is all
still unclear to me, no doubt there is much more
He needs me to do for Him.
My
prayer is that I do not disappoint Him, as He has
entrusted me with His other children, to care
lovingly for them until they also return Home.
Lord,
Jesus, give me strength. I remain Your work
in progress....
The
last two weeks have been full of wondrous
events. On the evening of May 14, 1999, I
was home alone after spending a few hours out
with my sister. We enjoyed our time
together very much. My husband was out of
town on business, my youngest daughter was also
out of town visiting family and friends there,
and my oldest daughter was in her own
bedroom. I went to bed very relaxed and
smiling to myself because my sister and I seemed
to finally be getting past some of our
differences. I went to bed and said my
night prayers, then fell into a deep, restful
sleep.
Later
that night, I had the most beautiful vision
ever! I felt myself ascending quickly, as
if in a very fast elevator, upwards against
gravity. Then I saw and was engulfed in the
Presence of a beautiful, warm, loving bright
white Light. It was so pure and so loving
and so peaceful that I was content to stay and
never leave. I felt my face smile
widely. It seemed a natural response to the
Light; I could not help myself, I just
reacted. I don’t know how long I was
there in His Presence, but I feel it was way too
short of a time, because now, in my conscious
state, I would choose to be there without end,
eternally, and with no hesitation! Oh, to
experience that again! What a blessing!
Suddenly
I left Him and saw myself in another, much larger
house than my current one. I didn’t
recognize it exactly, but it resembled one that I
have had visions of before—a house that I
would move into in my future sometime. And
I seemed content during this particular vision to
assume it was my future home, for it felt correct
at that moment. I saw myself walking
hurriedly through the house with several people
following me, and I was showing them where to hide---where
they would be safe and not found by the searchers.
I would not hide myself, but would allow the
searchers in the house. They would leave
without finding the hiding place.
I
did not recognize the people that I hid. I
was content to realize they needed help, and I
would accommodate them, with no questions
asked. Some were men, others were women and
children, and some were babies. It was a
constant flow of people in and out of my home,
like it was a stopover on their way to someplace
else. I do not know their destinations,
only that they were traveling through. And
I felt confident I would hide them all
successfully. From exactly whom or what, my
conscious now does not recall, but it does seem
that during the vision I knew and understood
completely. Was this during a religious
persecution? Persecution seems to be the
right word, but it isn’t really clear to me
now.
After
this particular part of my vision that night, I
realized I was being guided back to sleep by my
companion. I begged him, “No, not
yet. Please let me see God one more time
before I leave.” And immediately I
felt the upward pull and stood in His Presence
once again. We communicated in a sort of
simultaneous fashion. My questions were not
verbalized but felt. And the answers were
felt. It was a very different experience
for me. Thinking and verbalizing were
totally left out of this communication. It
was more like a fusion; like two hearts were
linked and the brain was not involved in any
way. And oddly, I understood inside me, but
my brain now does not recall all the
knowledge. Yet, I know it is there somewhere.
My conscious now only knows it occurred:
the communication was received, and I understood
it clearly. I am left to trust that any
knowledge imparted will serve His purposes, and
will surface when He wants me to use it. I do get
to recall one very important part of our
communication/conversation. I asked Him why He
allowed illness and all suffering, and His answer
was simple: "Because I love you."
At that time, it made such perfect sense,
probably because I was out of my body and my
brain/logic didn't interfere. I know now
that our spiritual souls have an ability of
understanding that is much broader than when we
are confined in our limited bodies.
I
think it was a briefer visit with God this second
time in His Presence. I knew I must leave
because I had things to do yet here, but I
certainly did not want to go! My
guiding companion took me anyway at His
command. We descended together until I
became aware of my contorted body relaxing back
into the bed. My arched back was never in
any pain. I was left with a deeply
comfortable, satisfying harmony inside me.
Once again, the symptoms of my illnesses were
relieved for a few days.
All
day the next day I was so calmly happy. It
was a true happiness, a blissful peace that was
so different than any other feeling I have ever
experienced. This euphoria was not under my
control. It was a direct result—an
automatic response—of being touched by God.
This
is such a wonderful gift from Him. I have
accepted that He has His reasons for doing this
without my conscious interaction. We have a
very pure form of communication this way.
He uses His own method of “speaking” to
me, not the usual methods of man. I almost
feel now that I understand what is meant when God
is referred to as “The Word.” And
no, I really can’t explain it. I feel
the understanding. My heart and soul are
not letting my brain be aware of it. Maybe
it is because my brain uses English words to
think, and those words are inadequate.
I
have wished ever since this vision to see Him
again every night for just even a little while,
so that every single day during my waking hours I
would retain some feeling of peace from
Him. When I had this feeling of peace,
faith was not even in question. It was more
of a first hand knowledge of truths, where faith
does not really have any place. There,
faith is replaced by knowledge. Hope is
replaced by certainty. And love is
exceedingly magnified exponentially. And
with that love comes an understanding of
God’s love, which includes His justice in
His dealings with us sinners and us accepting His
justice. There, we no longer question why
God allows pain and suffering on earth.
This understanding of His love, which includes
His justice, also includes a sort of knowledge of
the answers to our “Why?”
questions. It is so clear that you
don’t really think to question Him.
But
rest assured, God has infinite love for us, but
He is also a just God because He loves us so
much. We must remember that our definition
of what justice is finite. God’s
justice is pure and completely based on love.
Now,
two weeks after this vision, I wonder what
information I have been spiritually given.
I can only hope I do not fail Him by forgetting
it or disregarding it. But because God is
omniscient and trusts me with this knowledge, who
am I then to question Him?
Read
more of this visionary/locutionist's journal:
Discernment of
Purpose
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 02/05/2006
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